Share funny funny quotations along with jokes, life wiil be full of charming as wll as colourful. Check out these funny Milton Berle Quotes and let’s enjoy!
I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
[ Funny Opportunity Quotes]
Laughter is an instant vacation.
[ Funny Laughter Quotes]
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it’s terribly inconvenient.
[ Funny Poverty Quotes]
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He’s shy a quarter of a million dollars. That’s why he’s retiring.
[ Funny Retirement Quotes]
Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
[ Funny Jewish Quotes]
He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.
[ Funny Old People Quotes] [ Funny Old Age Quotes]
They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
[ Funny Computer Quotes]
Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes!
[ Funny Motivation Quotes]
I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
[ Funny Steroid Quotes]
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings? (at a function for Sports Broadcaster Howard Cosell)
[ Funny Insults Quotes]
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.
[ Funny Political Quotes] [ Funny Government Quotes]
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes] [ Funny Sex Quotes]
What is this, an audience or an oil painting?
[ Funny Humor Quotes]
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?
[ Funny Tax Quotes]
It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
[ Funny Money Quotes] [ Funny Future Quotes]
Folk who don’t know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
[ Funny Political Quotes]
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn’t say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
[ Funny Political Quotes]
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
[ Funny Health Quotes]
A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, “Are you comfortable?” The man answers, “I make a nice living.”
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?”
He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”.
I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
[ Funny Mother Quotes]
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